"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." .. Isaiah 41:10
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Thursday, July 2, 2015

An after-marriage life

Please read my earlier post 'After Friends Marry' to get an idea of my views on what happens after marriage.


The post was written before I got married.  Now, I have more opinions which came from my own married life experience and from the continuous learning seeing many other lives in the society. My opinion has not changed from the ones I provided in the earlier blog post. I had let my wife keep all her contacts and best friends after marriage and I feel she is very much comfortable because of that. She being an understanding woman lets me also keep my friends and spend some time with them. We are able to bring good understanding between us without affecting majority of the other relationships. But I agree the truth that the time availability post marriage is lesser and we have to time multiplex between family and friends giving our immediate family a little more number of time slots.

One of my friend who was a software engineer got married to another software engineer a couple of years ago. He was a very active guy and was good in sports & games. Before marriage he used to play cricket after office times before coming back to room. He was very social and used to meet his friends in weekends, plan regular pleasure trips with his friends and occasionally used to have drinks at office parties or outside. He used to read a lot too. He was working in Hyderabad and she was working in Bangalore before marriage. After marriage she moved to Hyderabad resigning her job. The initial phase of their marriage was very happy as we normally hear in all cases. But gradually problems crept in. The main reason being his wife being away from her family and not having any friends or relatives in Hyderabad. She couldn't make good relation with her neighbours there. She started relying on TV serials for killing her time.

His cricket game post work time came to an end after some days as she was always eagerly waiting for his return. She used to call three to four times asking him where he reached. And he had to lie many many a times that he have work or he is stuck in traffic. Finally he stopped playing after work and directly started taking the way home. After reaching home too, he was not able to relax a bit and take a nap. She wanted him to sit near her when she was cooking. A die hard cricket fan like him was not even allowed to watch an India-Pak cricket match. She will ask - "The whole day you are outside. Why cant you spend some time to talk to me?". His weekend visits to friends also came to full stop. And if he drank he was supposed to sleep on the sofa.

He tried everything to keep her happy. The whole weekends were spent with her. Shopping or outings as per her wish were done. He tried to engage her in something like cooking. She did like cooking. But she cooked everything seeing the god-damn tv serials and there came a high risk of her forgetting things in kitchen like something kept on the burner or the cooking gas valve open. So that didn't bear any fruit and was abruptly stopped to avoid risk. He also tried to wake up many of her other interests. But that too didn't become fruitful. He also thought of having a baby so that she gets engaged. But she didn't want to get pregnant so soon after marriage and wanted to wait at least for a year. Thats when he decided to send her for a course. The course was related to the domain in which she had worked upon.

The training was a kind of internship where she had to work on a job which consumed most of her day time. She would go in the morning with him and get dropped at the centre. Evening she would come back little earlier than him. To his surprise, the evening calls stopped and he could see that once she s back from her work she got engaged in cooking and other activities. He just need to give her company for sometime. There were no complains anymore. She made friends at the training institute and made good relations with them. Her outing with them during weekends helped him to go back to his routines.

He understood the issue very late that once working lady like her when leaves her job and gets bound to household works alone, cannot kill time very easily. And that was the root cause of their problems. She wanted company, friends and attention which he could not provide all the time. Now as this training continued, she too could go back to her routines without depending much on him. So once the training finished, he found her a job which fitted her profile. This brought the balance back to their home.

So my suggestion to all is that let your spouse go for her professional aspirations, give him/her personal freedom for friends and acquaintances, don't impose any of your ideas on him/her, consider his/her family too when charting your time and over all make him/her feel loved whenever you are with him/her. Have a great family life ahead.

My Expeditions

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